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Nobody Reads Reviews


Fathom Event Premier Party: I saw a special screening that showed a clip of Kevin Smith and his daughter before-hand. His daughter was not quite as natural on stage as he was and that is understandable, but the worst part is he rehashed jokes and stories that I had heard from past interviews and Q&A’s during tusk and leading up to this premiere. I rack it up to the fact that he goes around touring these jokes as he tours the movies to people, crafting and perfecting them as he goes like a stand-up routine. That makes him sort of like a stand up artists as I smiled at the retooled facts I knew and laughed at the new material. & My theater didn’t show the Q&A… now to the review::

He said right before the movie started that this was going to be a kid’s movie, which worried me. It is not exactly. What it is, or what it plays like is a hardcore version of a Disney channel movie. The girls even sing a couple songs throughout. It has got adult themes, adult words & yet is silly as Kevin smith has ever been. I think Kevin, and by and large his and Johnny Depp’s daughter’s capture the spirit and attitudes of teenage girls perfectly. Some say this is one of his weakest movies, as far as script goes. The dialogue and the story are not very strong, but I bet if you played it to a 13-year-old girl she would get a kick out of it. This is a pre-teen movie he sold to his audience, the aging vulgar 90’s kids, first.

Everyone from tusk except Michael Parks returns in one way or another. Johnny and the girls reprise their characters and I can’t stress how much I like the girls acting. They did well with what they were presented and I like Johnny Depp when he’s not a sad pale character. The Canada jokes never get old to me, but they are laid on kinda thick. The story’s villain (Ralph Garmen) wants to take on critics, which is easily seen as an analog to Smith’s to his feelings on those critics. Afterward I found out this too was sort of pulled from a podcast, which I think was much funnier than the Tusk one and I wish that had been more than the namesake. Producer Mr. Mosier is golden and the accidental stolen art case could have had potential for a slightly more grown up film. Instead is Kevin’s Scott Pilgrim with his DNA (and family) all over it.

Smith may have run out of relatable, real life things to say and make movies about. He has 4 podcasts and has made a days’ worth of, what I’d consider good movies. Now he is making science fiction, B-Movies with his talents, and who is to say that he shouldn’t. Tusk was interesting and imaginative for what it was. This movie, with its almost relatable characters (and Brands – I love the made up brands) is a different type of movie about sausages that crawl in your butthole. Now Ive defended the shit out of Mr. Smith so I’ll end with this. I’m not trying to be a hater when I say “I still wish he’d just make clerks 13 already” I give this movie a 3/5


Cant wait for Moose Jaws

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